The crisis of family life 10 years how to overcome. Crises of family life by years

Marriage is a long-term union of two independent individuals, each with their own needs, desires, values, and views. For an ideal union, they do not have to match - it is enough to be able to negotiate and accept a partner as he is. However, in the relationship of even the most patient and accommodating spouses, crises occur from time to time.

What is a Relationship Crisis?

Crises are a normal phenomenon not only in relationships between two people, but also within one person. For example, each person, as they grow up and during their lives, goes through several age-related crises. This state should be understood as a qualitative change in the psyche, when a person ceases to be satisfied with old patterns of behavior and new ones appear, views on life and attitude towards oneself change.

How to overcome the first crisis in family relationships?

Family psychology books advise overcoming the first of the crises family life, becoming as open as possible to your partner and to joint discussions. First of all, you should establish your own rules by which a young family will live. The duties of the spouses and their distribution should be immediately discussed. For example, you should immediately discuss (at least in general terms) how to allocate the budget, who will cook and keep the apartment clean, how often you need to spend time with friends.

These conversations often seem routine to young people, devoid of romance, and newlyweds do not want to spend their honeymoon time, inspired by love, on such trifles. Nevertheless, these points must be discussed either before the start of a life together, or as soon as possible after its onset. In the future, this will help to avoid quarrels and conflicts - you can always point out an agreement to your partner, and new requirements will not come as a surprise to both.

With your soulmate, you should definitely discuss what both partners imagine the model of future family life to be. It is necessary to discuss controversial issues and work out a compromise solution. We need to think together about whether the spouses will turn to the families of their parents, behave the same way as they do, or develop a completely different strategy.

Another important point - you can not hush up emerging conflicts. If any of the spouses have grievances or issues related to cohabitation, it is necessary to discuss them in a calm, restrained manner with your husband or wife. The interlocutor, in turn, should be as open as possible to listening to complaints and correcting his behavior. This is not called "cutting" - this is an important stage in establishing a life together, in which one should not hide the nuances

8 dangerous symptoms of a crisis and ways to overcome them

Psychology notes the characteristic features of family life crises over the years. The upcoming conflict period can be determined by the following signs:

• one of the spouses (or both of them) does not show initiative regarding intimate life;
• the appearance of the spouses and their behavior is no longer aimed at being pleasant and desirable to each other;
• the upbringing of children causes a lot of disputes and conflicts, one of the parents is trying to "poach" the child to his side;
• the need to resolve controversial issues causes irritation, anger and mutual growth of aggression;
• spouses do not understand each other's feelings, are not interested in them and do not seek rapprochement.
• partners are irritated in response to any action or word of each other;
• one of the spouses is infringed on the rights and opportunities to express an opinion. He constantly believes that he must indulge the other in everything;
• spouses do not want to share either pleasant or sad events with each other, because they do not receive proper support and attention.

How to overcome the crises of family life over the years? Psychology knows several universal recommendations that will come in handy in almost any case of disagreements between spouses.

You can't hold grudges. Hidden guilt poisons the soul of an offended person, as a result of which he accumulates affect - and this is a dangerous and explosive state that can lead to the release of aggression both towards the offender, and towards oneself, or a child, or a completely random person. Even if the offended spouse does not rush at a passerby with his fists, his aggression can take other forms - treason, alcoholism, etc.

In a dispute, you can not offend and get personal. This rule applies not only to family life. Insults are the lowest and most unconstructive way of conducting a dispute, which will never lead to a resolution of the conflict, but will only inflame it even more. Point to actions and to your own feelings, and not to the person's personality.

Throw out negative emotions and charge with positive. Psychology says that crises family relations wives and husbands often lie in the lack of vivid impressions in the process of married life. Celebrate the holidays with soul and scope, go to the cinema or to exhibitions, hikes, and various events together. Arrange romantic evenings where you will be alone. Go in for sports. Keep a diary in which you describe your feelings. This will help you better understand your feelings and not “merge” the negative on your spouse.

Look for your own hobbies and engage in self-development. To remain interesting to each other, everyone should have a personal space in which only he will live. Share new information, deepen your knowledge in different areas. Remember that marriage is a union of two independent individuals who consciously choose to co-exist, and do not depend on each other.

Don't bring up painful topics. You just have to put up with some features of partners. For example, a wife may not like her husband's passion for football. You should not express your dissatisfaction with this game - it is better to discuss what forms and scope of hobbies will be acceptable for both spouses.

The key to healthy family relationships is trust. Therefore, do not prevent meetings with your partner's friends - it is better to discuss how often they can occur without prejudice to family affairs.

These tips are more useful to those spouses who do not yet have expressed problems with mutual understanding. If the intensity of passions leads a husband and wife on a straight path to divorce, you need to seek help from a specialist. One of them is a psychologist-hypnologist

During this period, there is a personal "interpenetration" in a couple and a kind of dependence on relationships appears. Awareness of this pushes for attempts to return to the former, which can manifest itself in the establishment of old ties, and in changing jobs.

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During these years in marriage, the birth of the first child most often occurs. With the advent of the baby, the roles of the spouses change, they become parents. The burden associated with physical, psychological and material costs is increasing.

The young mother is absorbed in caring for the baby, and the husband feels abandoned and superfluous in this relationship. Especially if he is not attracted to conscious fatherhood, but is tried to be used only as an obedient assistant.

Do not be afraid to trust your husband with the role of a father, he will cope with it no worse than you cope with the role of a mother. But make sure your new status(caring parents) did not cancel the former (loving spouses).

Day after day. Crisis of 6-7 years

In the life of the family, everything is stable and well-established: life, communication, work. But in sex there is satiety with the partner's body. Many men complain that romance has left the relationship, the spouse does not share their hobbies.

That is why most cheating in married couples occurs during this period.

Women return to work. After several years of home life, everything new is perceived as emotional, bright, and I want to change a lot. The wife becomes financially less dependent on her husband.

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Women in crisis are trying to return to the days when "everything was just beginning." They can enthusiastically buy beautiful lingerie, have a candlelit dinner... You can’t turn back the clock, and what your spouse liked seven years ago can now cause irritation.

An attempt to restore relations with the help of the birth of a second child will also be erroneous. Children are not a means of manipulating a husband. On the contrary, an increase in psycho-emotional and physical stress during a crisis can lead to family breakdown. Romantic moments are needed, but they should be completely different - something new, interesting, unusual.

"And it's all?". Crisis 11-13 years old

It would seem that everything that is possible has been experienced together: difficulties, lack of finances, illness, failures ... Why do some couples decide to leave after such a life test?

Perhaps this is the most inexplicable crisis. Spouses characterize him with the words “we have become strangers”, but they simply cooled down, there is no strength to “invest” in relationships. Perhaps this is an echo of one of the unresolved crises of past years.

In addition, such a period sometimes coincides with the midlife crisis of one of the spouses, when there is a reassessment of values. There may be a fear that there are not many years left when there is a chance to “start all over again”

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Your own achievements and goals may seem insufficient, but you need to learn to accept them and set new goals. Not only for yourself as an individual, but for the family as a world that you continue to master.

Identify small but common joint tasks that will develop your marriage. Together look for new ways to realize the accumulated potential.

Children have not yet grown up, but they have a period of choosing a life position. Its activity largely depends on you. And if the younger generation sees energetic, passionate about life, loving parents, and not boring guardians, then not only the children themselves will benefit, but your “family boat” will not “break” into everyday life.

"Empty Nest Syndrome". Crisis 20 years

The children are grown up and have their own lives. In families where relationships were built only around the interests of the child, the link is missing. The very meaning of the relationship is lost.

Many men divorce at this stage, as a sense of guilt and duty to children did not allow them to break off these relationships earlier.

Women do not tire of reminding that the “best years” were given to the spouse, which means that he now has to repay his debts.

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In fact, the crisis occurs because both spouses forget about the important advantage of this period of marriage. After all, parting with an active parental role, you seem to be returning to your youth, when marriage was your main family function. Now is the time to remember all the good things marriage has brought you.

Remember what dreams and plans you once put off until "better times" - now there is a great opportunity to realize them. In sexual relations, your attention to each other, affection and tenderness are now more important than ever. Do not be afraid to experiment, diversify your intimate life.

So, be patient and attentive to each other, love and respect your partner, then you are not afraid of any crises!

There are rules that wise couples follow throughout their lives. And then not only the crisis years are overcome without loss, but the golden wedding comes as a holiday.

• Don't build up irritation. Try to find the right moment to discuss the problem. The partner does not have to read your mind, but he can hear you.
• Don't push your partner away when they want to be together. Always listen to each other, be attentive to his problems and feelings. Never manipulate your partner with prohibitions or permissions for sex.
• Choose wording. Try not to blame your spouse, but to say how you feel when a conflict occurs. (Instead of "You again...", say, for example, "It makes me very upset when you...")
• Treat the views and interests of your spouse with due respect, honor the traditions of his family. Don't Hinder Change
• in the life of a spouse, be for him an ally and support in all endeavors.
• Create your world! Expand and strengthen the zones of mutual interests, create the history of your family, its traditions, even your own language.
• Move on to a new stage of family development without waiting for crises, do not let the routine steal your love from you.
• The joy of mutual recognition can intensify over the years. This applies to both body and soul. In sex, new nuances and overtones appear that are not available to any “kamasu-tre”. Constantly engage in self-development, improve - and then you will be interesting to your partner as a person.

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• There are no perfect people! Appreciate and develop the positive qualities of a partner.

Secrets of family centenarians:

I heard this story from a lady who lived happily with her handsome husband for over 30 years. A high-ranking diplomat, he was with his wife at all social events. He was surrounded by a large number of beautiful and smart women. And of course, not without hobbies. When she saw that her husband was beginning to be interested in another woman, she did not make scenes for him. She approached her, started a conversation, carefully observed this lady and tried to understand what she had interested her husband in. And then I tried to generate this quality in myself. When a husband discovered in his wife a virtue that attracted him to another, the romance died out by itself.

What years do the crises of family life fall on and how to overcome them. Relationship crisis: 1st year, 3-5 years old, 7 years old, 13 years old, 25 years old

Biologists have long proved that no development of a living being is smooth and problem-free. It always happens spasmodically, in periods, and always with certain crises - steps that need to be stepped over. And in order to step over, cardinal changes are needed. And the more rapidly this crisis passes, the more vivid and qualitative the development itself will be.

The same thing happens in the psychology of relationships between people. So, the crisis of family relations over the years is either another test for people who love each other. Moreover, these "critical points" for someone can go more smoothly, and for someone - end in divorce. Moreover, the outcome does not depend on how much people love each other - on the contrary, marriages of convenience are much more stable in this regard. Everything is in the hands of the spouses themselves - and mainly family happiness depends on the tactics of the woman's behavior. And from whom else? After all, this is her mission - to be the keeper of the hearth.

Crisis of the 1st year of relationships: the birth of a family

For some reason, all the famous fairy tales of the world end with the wedding of heroes in love - as if there is nothing special after it. But the fun is just beginning!

And, of course, you can not do without lapping. As one famous writer used to say: "They merried. But there was nothing in common between them: he is a man, she is a woman.

Although usually this period for young couples is the most exciting. Lovers study each other, comprehend the intricacies of intimate relationships, travel together with pleasure. And, of course, the first year cannot be called painless: after all, each of the two has already had a well-formed romantic image of their fiance or bride, which has to be slightly adjusted by the end of the year. But for those couples who consciously and deliberately entered into marriage, there are no special problems. It is difficult only for those who had to tie themselves with the chains of Hymen because of an unexpected pregnancy or pressure from relatives. In this case, a positive attitude will help out: it doesn’t matter how chaotically family life began - the main thing is that she be happy.

Crisis of the 3rd-5th year of relations: goodbye, peace!

Many guys imagine fatherhood as something easy: well, you need to go to the zoo with your son, well, ride on your shoulders. And they are simply horrified when a small tornado breaks into their calm and measured life - not only during the day all plans will go awry from now on, but at night it will be possible to forget about a full sleep for at least six months. And it is a pity that young fathers, having somehow come to terms with the state of things, begin to look completely pessimistically into the future, presenting it exactly as it is now. They really need support!

After all, sadly, men leave the family very often just after the birth of a child. It is clear that the young mother is having a hormone malfunction, which is not sweet for her. But after all, the matter is usually not limited to a crying baby: just at this period, someone’s businesslike mother (mother-in-law, for example) breaks headlong into a barely born family. And then the hyperactive grandmother begins to bring up not only the newborn, but, of course, the son-in-law. What the latter is not always able to withstand.

How to overcome this stage: a new life stage is a new relationship. Learn to support each other, get rid of selfishness. And "maman" needs to be slowly managed on the way back. In the future, her tenderness and desire to urgently feed and clothe everyone will come in very handy: it will be very cool to give the growing mischievous and restless child to the village for the whole summer. And by the way - urgently on vacation!

The crisis of the 7th year of relations: who owes whom and how much

The reason for this crisis is the psychological fatigue of the spouses from each other. According to statistics, the lion's share of divorces falls just on the 6th and 7th year of marriage. And no wonder: both spouses for the first time live with someone for so long. Before the wedding, in rare cases, they could meet other partners up to 3 years old, and parted with them most often just because of boredom and habit. But marriage, of course, is not so easy to leave. And the crisis must be dealt with.

How to survive this stage in a relationship? Having dug up its root and going from the opposite. And it's all about routine. That is why, according to all the laws of nature, a man should be the head of the family - after all, he is a hunter, conqueror, discoverer. He will always bring a fresh note to the relationship, new ideas. But a woman, in her essence, has always balanced this force with her own complaisance, the ability to bring peace and comfort to the house, and stability to communication. But, if the first and last word in the family is only for her, then family life in the 7th year will turn into a stagnant swamp. From where a man can suddenly and with pleasure escape.

That is why a woman needs to stop fanatically organizing everything in the house as soon as possible: books on the shelves, cups in the closet and a husband with a child. You will have to urgently get rid of the routine, and especially the habit of sawing your spouse. The 7th year is a time when everyone should have a certain freedom, when a woman urgently needs some kind of mystery, zest. And it’s bad if in the morning only mobile is engaged in charging. After all, a man is a researcher. It is important to maintain interest, easy love, excitement in it. This means that it's time to radically change your image and turn from an evil tigress into an affectionate cat - a relatively free, loving life and by no means dissolved in the family.

“Marriage is an agreement whose terms are reviewed and reaffirmed daily.” Brigitte Bardot

The crisis of the 13th year of relations: a test of strength

The culprit of this crisis is, of course, a teenager. Now this is no longer the fluffy baby that all relatives and friends loved to come to admire so much. Now it is a Personality who desperately longs for freedom and justice. And, if there are at least some rough edges in the family way of life, the teenager will definitely find them and shamelessly open them. It will be difficult to do without quarrels, and the first cracks in mutual understanding will arise just first between the parents themselves.

The explanation for this is simple: a mother sees her child first of all as a biological being that needs to be taken care of, raised and protected. And the father is like a social being that needs to be brought out into people. And a teenager in this regard is a mirror of his family. Moreover, it is the man who is the first to recognize in his son or daughter individuality, signs of growing up and independent thinking. But from under the care of a loving mother, a teenager will have to break out with a howl - on the basis of which serious reproaches and confusion between spouses will begin.

How to overcome this stage? Surviving this crisis is practically the same as reliving “your 15 years” again. That's just the parents themselves completely forget their own period of growing up and the natural rebellion for this age. But if in the previous crisis they needed to let each other go a little, now they need to start giving freedom to the fruit of their Love.

“Choosing a child is not an easy task. After all, this means that from now on and forever your heart will roam outside your body. ”Women's wisdom

The crisis of the 25th year of relations: come back, youth!

An honorable silver wedding is on the nose, all the acquaintances look enviously at the spouses who love each other like doves, but for some reason ... discord begins in the family.

So, at this time, a woman begins an unpleasant menopause, and men, on the contrary, get younger, get in shape and even make greasy jokes towards young girls (which they did not allow themselves before, for example). “Demon in the rib, gray hair in the beard” - people like to talk about the fathers of families of this age. But they can be understood. Children have grown up, a career has been made, material benefits have been achieved ... Is this really all? Is there really nothing more to be achieved, nothing more to strive for? “Has the gunpowder in the powder flasks run out”? A man, unlike a woman, is very difficult to realize his own weakness. It is difficult for him even to himself to admit to the beginning decrepitude and lack of demand in society. On the contrary, the representatives of the stronger sex will stubbornly prove to everyone around that it is too early to write them off. And what happens at this time at home? Is there much-needed moral support from a spouse? Of course not. 90% of all women on the planet to celebrate their silver wedding really turn into grouchy old women, exactly the same as in the fairy tale about the goldfish. It is clear that for so many years of living together, a spouse can get bored to the point of soreness, and the list of his sins for so many years is going to be quite weighty. And what else can be more useful in the household than a guilty man? :)

How to survive this stage? This crisis is a time of great change. It is rightly said that after forty life is just beginning. So why not give yourself a second honeymoon? Start actively, like never before, relax with friends, go skiing in the mountains, take care of yourself and your appearance with pleasure? This is exactly what family psychologists advise couples at such a turn. And already adult children will only be glad to see that everything is fine with their parents.

Crisis of family relations by years is each time a new turn in the spiral. You can try to ignore it, turning an acute conflict into a chronic one, or you can allow your family to develop, change, and relationships to polish. After all, with the passage of each such milestone, love and affection are transformed and become what they should be. So, in the 1st year, a bright love “eros” turns into a strong and deep feeling of “agate”, in the 3rd-5th year, love has a fruit - a child, a third life, in the 7th year, relationships between loved ones become cozy, habitual and freer, on the 13th feeling, the connection between the spouses will undergo a serious test and will be significantly strengthened, and on the 25th year of marriage, that very first spark that has flared up will be transformed into a deep and tender attachment to each other. Already forever.

Marriage is a very complex phenomenon that each of us must go through in our lives. But everyone succeeds the first time, and often the reason for divorces is not only a difference in character or a husband’s betrayal, this can be a completely standard manifestation of one of the family crises that the couple could not survive. Family relationships tend to undergo periodic crises over time.

You can teach and instruct each spouse for a long time and hard about what awaits him at a new stage in his life. But in the end, no one can warn us against the mistakes that we ourselves will make. Yes, and I fully agree with those who believe that you can learn something only from your own experience. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand what is going on between two people throughout their lives, relationships and marriage. What is subject to two cannot be understood by a third.

Therefore, before you read this article, I would like to tell you that when solving problems or crises, you should first of all rely on your feelings and your intuition. It's not for nothing that they say that the heart never lies. It is possible that the crisis in your relationship is connected not only after a certain number of years, but with real problems that you need to solve. Or perhaps you just realized that your feelings faded over time - and this is not scary, the main thing is to be able to make this decision and move on no matter what.

What is a family crisis?

And so, in order to determine whether a crisis happened in your family or a completely different problem, you first need to understand what we are dealing with. And here are the main signs of a crisis in family relations:

• lack of disputes, or vice versa, constant scandals. Many psychologists, and even ordinary people, also believe that the absence of quarrels and scandals is a sign of indifference, or their weakening. But this is not always the case, it is possible that you and your spouse have calm characters, or you are used to resolving conflicts peacefully by talking.
• in a conflict, even an unfounded one, everyone insists on their opinion and does not try to understand the other side. This is a rather difficult situation that not every family can handle. Misunderstanding or anxiety in relation to each other can sometimes cause such a misunderstanding, and maybe a decline in feelings, or fatigue. No matter what, if your feelings are still strong, and you feel it, you should not give in to conflicts. Learn and teach your spouse to listen to each other, to be more patient.
• aggression as a defensive reaction to the aggression of the spouse;
• one of the partners refuses intimacy. The reasons for this phenomenon can be completely different, so you should not focus your main attention on it until you figure out what is all the same the matter.
• one of the spouses refuses to take part in decision-making. This may be due not only to a crisis in relationships, but also to internal psychological problems.
• undivided responsibilities, it is very typical for young families who cannot really decide what each of the family members is responsible for.
• one of the spouses closed in on himself, which may be due to a midlife crisis in one of the spouses. During this period, he tries to rethink his life, he feels a sense of dissatisfaction, which means he begins to think about changing himself and his family life;
• the absence of all sorts of conversations between spouses, or unwillingness to talk for a long time;
• a woman during a crisis of family relations stops thinking about herself, devotes herself to the family and turns into a "cook". Unfortunately, almost any woman has to deal with this phenomenon, despite the fact that the situation in the modern family has changed and the woman is trying to devote more and more time to work and personal self-development;
• workaholism often accompanies the crisis of family life. I think the concept is familiar to many. Everyone has had to deal with a situation where the husband is late at work, or the wife is bothered by constant phone calls from work, unexpected weekend meetings, working from home and much more.
• lack of emotional support between partners.

Also, the causes of the crisis can be problems in relations with relatives, problems at work, moving to another city or country, as well as a change in financial situation. The most severe factors are the loss of a job, the death of a close or relative, a serious illness and the birth of children with disabilities.

Psychology of family crises

Some families are able to cope with crises on their own, and some require the help of a specialist. As a rule, even the smallest conflicts are not resolved in such families. The lack of ability to resolve conflicts, the family creates additional difficulties for themselves, and goes from crisis to crisis on the rise and with increasing displeasure from their spouse and family life together.

Even the modern psychology of family crises cannot give a clear answer to the question of how to get out of difficult situations in a relationship with a partner. “All families are happy in the same way, each family is unhappy in its own way,” one would like to say in addition to the topic. We all strive to be better, and create the most ideal family. But this is a big job, which both need to work on, and not everyone succeeds. Each family has its own strengths and weaknesses, its own rules and obligations, tasks and problems.

If it seems to you that your family at this stage is simply littered with unresolved conflicts, there is a failure within your family, and you are no longer able to cope with this on your own, then you should seek help from a professional who specializes in the psychology of family crises. There is nothing shameful in this, in many European countries it has already become mandatory for spouses to have a family psychologist who is ready to help at any moment. It's one of those things that we really need to borrow from the outside, because there's nothing wrong with taking a problem to someone who knows it best.

Development of family relations

Scientists distinguish several stages of the levels of development of relations:

• 1. The period, better known as the candy-bouquet - the period of courtship. This is the time of falling in love, romantic meetings, the couple has not yet begun to live together;
• 2. The period of living together without children, the beginning of a family;
• 3. The period of living together with children. Wife and husband try on the role of mother and father;
• 4. The period of maturity in living together. The family becomes a large mechanism that requires more and more resources, and a second, third child appears;
• 5. The period of a family with adult children. Parents and children are getting older, preparing to leave the family;
• 6. Grown up children leave the family, and the spouses again remain together.

Crisis of family relations by years

First year of marriage is critical due to the fact that the couple is only getting used to each other and rubbing themselves in everyday life. Spouses do not want to share responsibilities and change the way of life to which each of them is used to. Example: he is a lark - you are a night owl, he creates a mess, and you clean it up, he is more economical, and you are used to spending a lot - these and similar conflicts become a real problem that requires the interaction of both parties and joint discussion. All this leads to frequent conflicts and strife, which can lead to divorce if they are not corrected in time. Most often, lapping passes over time, and over time, spouses learn to find compromises, understand and accept each other for who they really are. And most importantly - do not lose love and trust, which are the main companion in your entire life together. The next family crises over the years will be much easier for spouses who were able to find mutual understanding.

Third year of marriage is critical, because a couple of ardent lovers turns into faithful companions. In the first three years of marriage, the couple has their first child, and the responsibility of raising a new personality falls on the shoulders of the parents, which so far completely and entirely depends only on you. Material costs increase, as well as the physical and psychological impact on each of the family members. The wife devotes all her time to the child and the spouse begins to feel superfluous and unnecessary in his house, and your task is to prove to him that everything is not so it seems. Let him feel like not only a spouse and au pair, but also a great father. Remember that it is your responsibility to be not only the parents of the baby, but loving and trusting spouses. Also during this period, each of the spouses is concerned about housing, personal and professional growth, and personal problems. Psychological and physical stress can cause alienation and misunderstanding in the family. Due to the birth of a child, a man often becomes sexually unsatisfied, and begins to see all the shortcomings of his soulmate - and this applies not only to men, but also to women. Commonplace mutual understanding and respect will help overcome the crisis, and remember that you yourself are not without flaws.

Fifth year of marriage is critical because the woman returns to work after giving birth. She faces several tasks at once: raising a child, professional duties, maintaining family comfort, her external image. She understands that she cannot cope with all the tasks at once. She needs new emotions, but she does not have the opportunity to get them - hence the possible nervous breakdowns and psychological problems, and also often they make lovers. Men should be very careful and attentive to their wife during this period, otherwise they risk losing their family. How to survive the crisis of family relations - involve a grandmother in caring for a child, hire an au pair if you yourself cannot help your wife.

Seventh year of marriage is critical because it is addictive. Life goes on as usual and it seems to the spouses that further existence will not bring anything new and interesting, something like a “development limit”. It is during this period that real financial expenses begin - a kindergarten, clothes for a child, for herself and her husband, as well as food and many other necessary things. It seems that the list of necessary things will never end, and there is always not enough money. This causes disputes and conflicts within the family. The crisis of family relations over the years can be aggravated if the father of the child does not want to part with his old habits, finds a new hobby and begins to feel like a “hunter” again. And the wife may well decide that one child is enough for her, and she has neither the strength nor the desire to take care of the second - her husband. It is women during this period that can be the initiators of a divorce.

Fourteenth year of marriage is critical because it is associated with hormonal changes in both men and women. Many psychologists consider this period the most dangerous for a married couple. Statistics note that one in five, at the age of 40-50, starts a second family, and in most cases, girls 15-20 years younger than their spouse become the chosen ones (“gray hair in the head - demon in the rib” is about this period), and some simply constantly changing partners. Experts believe that this is due to a decrease in sexual potency, as a result of which a man tries to prove to himself and everyone around him that this is not so. Result: leaving the family, young mistresses, many sexual partners, etc. phenomena. This is such a peculiar version of the female menopause. Women during this period do not stand aside - there is increased irritability and nervousness, but their sexual activity during this period increases, unlike men ("forty-five - woman berry again"). But in fact, the main reason for all the changes that are taking place is damn banal - the fear that life goes on and nothing changes: the same job, the same person nearby, the same repeating days, etc. To solve the crisis, psychologists recommend organizing something like a second honeymoon with your spouse, but the initiative should come from both sides. Do not forget that you have lived together for so many years and have been able to overcome not a single crisis of family life, which means that your family still has a core, a foundation that is the key to a successful and happy family - your task is only to remember this and develop relationships that there was no feeling of "stagnation".

Ways out of the family relationship crisis

Of course, there is no ideal solution, because this is an individual process. Each of us goes through the crisis of family life in our own way: for some, the problem becomes more acute, but for some it floats unnoticed. Below, I will give you some tips to help you cope with a stressful period in family relationships.

The main rule in any relationship, not only family, but also friendly - talk, discuss problems and in no case hush up the problem. One of the main reasons couples turn to a psychologist is the difficulty of communication between spouses, and only 40% of all problems are related to financial and sexual problems. Therefore: talk people, talk. This is an important step towards solving many problems and misunderstandings.

Take seriously all claims, as well as the worries and problems of your husband, because this is how complicity in the life of a loved one is manifested. In addition, your support in resolving a difficult situation is very important for any person - this will speak of you as a faithful man who you can trust and with whom you can live your whole life without worry, back to back - hand in hand.

Another important rule- know how to forgive your loved ones and soul mates, a good family is impossible without this, or it will not live very long. In addition, psychologists note that it is very important not only to forgive, but also to accept apologies. If you feel that you are not ready for a truce and do not want to communicate with your spouse in the near future, then you should tell him about it. After all, in the end, your silence without making claims and without explanations can simply bore him. And then the ending may not be at all the way you planned it.

Do not manipulate your husband, for example, by denying him intimacy. Bring romance back to your relationship: dinner for two, going to the movies, unexpected texts during the workday, or cute notes on the fridge. Try to avoid everyday routine, bring something new into every new day - it doesn't have to be something big, even small, but nice little things will make your life together brighter and more interesting. Even simple compliments can have an amazing effect (remember how long ago since your wedding day did you compliment your spouse?). Ideally, set aside a few days that you will spend only together (children can be sent to their grandmother or left with their friends, they will only be happy).

Intimacy is an integral part of family relationships, and you should not forget about it in the routine of everyday worries. Diversify and improve your intimate life, it will be a breath of fresh air in solving your problems. By the way, physical intimacy helps to maintain a strong bond between spouses, but its absence can lead to numerous conflicts.

In addition to love relationships, do not forget to maintain friendship - this is one of the foundations of the family, which allows you to maintain relationships for a long time and solve pressing problems and avoid crises in family life.

Conflicts also have their own rules that should not be violated if you do not seek to destroy the family, but only want to convey to your partner the essence of your claims:

• in no case do not insult him and do not criticize him in the presence of strangers, it looks very ugly. In the heat of a quarrel, this rarely happens, but it is worth watching what you say. If possible, try to avoid controversial topics related to politics, religion, etc. But not related to family, children and your relationship. A good solution for when you are overwhelmed with emotions is to write everything on a piece of paper.
• leave each other personal space, that is, each of their family members should have a place where he can be alone and calm down.
• an interesting option: try to look at your spouse with different eyes - plunge deeper into his hobby, you can chat with his parents and childhood friends who will tell you a lot of interesting things about your other half. The psychology of family crises is such that the less common interests you have, the higher the likelihood of a break.
• you may have completely different hobbies, but it's okay if you start doing one of them together - it can be dancing, sports sections or creating a work. Couple hobbies will unite you and make your family stronger.

How to survive the crises of family life?

Do not forget that during life each of us changes and develops, so it is not surprising that the person you initially fell in love with has changed - you have not remained the same either, be more tolerant of such things. Only if you have due respect for your soulmate will you be able to survive all the crises of family life together.

Respect is another important key to saving a marriage, each partner must respect the other as a person, and his habits and hobbies as a result. You may not like them, but they should be respected as an important part of your soulmate's personality. Without respect in family life, the flow of reproaches and understatement will be endless, which most often leads to disastrous consequences.

In no case should you break off relations or move away at the first signs of a crisis, because the sooner you start working on the problem, the more chances you have to save your family. After all, this is what you want?

It is naive to believe that all problems will be solved by themselves and the crisis of family relations will disappear without your participation. And if it doesn’t work out, then it’s not my person, and you need to look for someone who loves me, who will understand me. With such a position in relationships, you will face problems and constant conflicts from one to the other. It is worth remembering that you have chosen the person you love, you love it. And if the feelings remain the same on your part and on his part, it is worth trying in every possible way to save the family that the two of you decided to create.

Crisis 3-5 years of family life

The period of 3-5 years of marriage is an important stage in the life of a family, it is often accompanied by a crisis in relationships.

The world of illusions ends, or rather a period of constant and continuous romance. There comes a routine and problems that everyone has, but not every couple is ready to share all the difficulties together, as it was promised to each other. And everything seemed to be expected, because older relatives warned that there would be difficulties, but young people always count on the best, do not listen to advice and believe that it is their problems that will be bypassed.

It is very important to be able to save a family, of course, if there is something to save. Families most often collapse precisely on this segment, the statistics of divorce is inexorable.

The biggest mistake men and women make is internal resentment. There are no dialogues, everything accumulates inside, and then it can explode and break all previous relationships and vows of love.

The couple has a chance to renew their old feelings if they follow a plan that both agree on. For example, household chores can be divided You don't have to do all the homework alone. It is domestic quarrels that most often become a stumbling block.

Don't let the conflict escalate to enormous proportions.. Even a small fit of anger is worth stopping and sitting down at the negotiating table. The end of a relationship is the lack of dialogue, when people have nothing to say to each other, one can hardly count on a positive outcome of events.

Reflecting on relationships, one should take into account the fact that the family is still young, and you cannot destroy it because of a trifle. It should be remembered all the brightest, most tender and romantic that happened during the period of meetings and dates.

Often the crisis coincides with the birth of a child, or rather, it is the addition to the family that gives rise to a wave of misunderstandings and scandals. The child takes all the time from the woman, and the man is offended. The woman is exhausted, nervous and not the same as before. She does not have the strength for an intimate life and the ease of being. A man starts to reproach his wife and this is the main mistake. It is better to try to help your soul mate, because the birth of a child was negotiated, and difficulties were expected.
But women also reproach their husbands for insolvency: a child was born, but he earns little, or vice versa, there is enough money, but the husband does not help with the baby, but disappears at work.

A young mother needs to analyze the situation and understand that supporting a family is a titanic work for any man and he also needs support.

Raising a child is a joint work and everything happens in life. You can enlist the help of relatives to be able to add some romance to a relationship. A walk under the moonlight on a park bench, even such a trifle is enough to look into each other's eyes and understand that life goes on and the most beloved person in the world is nearby. Only reciprocity and the desire to return old feelings to the relationship can help the family.

Crisis 7-9 years of family life

Behind many years of a happy marriage, but a smile does not shine on the faces of the spouses? Squabbles and scandals have become more frequent? This means that a crisis has come, the second largest in the life of a man and a woman.
Children grow up and slowly leave from under the wing of their parents. to kindergarten or school. The child has a character, his own thinking. And it is not always ideal, at this moment it begins to seem that this is the fault of one of the spouses. Accusations are being used, up to the banal ones: “So your genes showed up,” a very offensive phrase that, oddly enough, can give rise to thoughts of divorce.

Better to think about what the child was raised by both and his misdeeds and pranks are not the fault of one. And this is certainly not a reason for mutual insults, on the contrary, it is better to rally in order to eradicate the bad inclinations of the offspring.

Another reason could be routine. The child has grown up and it is already possible to set aside time for romance, to go to the theater or a restaurant for dinner by candlelight, but the trouble is, this is no longer desirable. The answer is simple, it seems to the wife that marriage is strong and such nonsense for the young and inexperienced, and this is the main delusion of a woman.

A man in this family period of time needs a shake-up and a storm of emotions that will wake up the former volcano of passions.

Otherwise, a man will start looking on the side for what he does not receive in the family. And then the thought flashes through his head: “Maybe we should build a new family and there will no longer be such problems ?!” And a man can carry out his plan in a fit of apathy, namely apathy, and not anger. It will seem to him that another woman will bypass all the sharp corners and will not cool down in 7-9 years, although this is not so. In a new relationship, it will be the same, if you do not correct the behavior and do not stir up the ardor of each other.

The woman begins to think that the hero of her novel was not so good. At the same time, she herself rejects his attempts to get closer again, but considers him guilty. Affects chronic fatigue and the same indifference. It is she who is the most terrible enemy of the family in this crisis of 7-9 years of marriage.

Even scandal in such a situation is better than mute regret. It is better to shout or even slam the door, but just do not look into empty eyes full of disappointment.
Leaving is always easier than keeping the past. A couple with experience and not so small should think about whether everything is so bad ?! After all, a lot has been accomplished and the same is ahead. But until this moment they supported each other, but now they don’t. Passion can be returned, and children will change their behavior and, in the end, leave the family. But the main thing is that they leave the family, and not mom and dad separately, because they are divorced.

Crisis 16-20 years of family life

This crisis is one of the most mysterious, because there are no specific situations and problems that could provoke it. It would seem that life is adjusted and there are no grounds for sadness. People know each other to such an extent that they smooth out quarrels quickly and without offense. The children have grown up and left the family nest, perhaps there are already grandchildren, it would seem that nothing can overshadow a happy and such a long union, but ...

And this is where the difficulties arise. The couple begins to feel a sense of deep loneliness. People really need each other, but at the same time they do not feel the same solidarity, each on his own.

The age of a classic couple after 16-20 years of marriage has not yet reached a critical point, and thoughts are born that need to change the situation radically, i.e. divorce. After all, life inexorably passes, and in the family there is no more intimacy, love and unity. It seems that everything has passed and nothing can be returned.

All that's left is friendship and respect. and often this is enough, but only for a woman. A man begins to think about a new marriage with a woman younger than himself. He lacks extreme acts and impulses from his wife. At this point, a woman should think. After all, if a marriage lived for so many years, it means that there was a mutual desire, and now you can’t lose what was built with such difficulty.

Psychologists advise adhering to the rule of constant joint action in literally the words. We need to do everything together, from cleaning the house to choosing new furniture. You can start a joint hobby that will be interesting to both.

A man should remember his past powers of observation and make pleasant surprises for his wife, they are needed to restore the feeling of the need for a union to exist.
Talk about the state of mind should be ongoing. Then again there will be a feeling that the couple lives the same life and the kinship of souls is still relevant.

The age of both partners plays an important role, because a woman is approaching menopause, and a man has a midlife crisis and it is even more difficult to save a family. The hormonal restructuring of a woman and the psychological rethinking of a man greatly complicate the situation. Something that can really help a couple will sound ridiculous at first glance, but it will work. Necessary afford more madness like when you were young. At the same time, you should not pay attention to what others think. Depicting a power couple, you can destroy the family.

You can turn off the phones and arrange a few days without relatives, friends and work. Let duty and responsibility wait. After spending a couple of eventful days together, you can again see what has long been hidden by the veil of obligations.
A few frivolous acts perfect together will surely help to live more than a dozen years happily and harmoniously. A family has been built, many problems have been overcome, and why not try for your loved one again.