How to overcome the crisis of family life for 10 years. Crises of family life by year

Marriage is a long-term union of two independent individuals, each with their own needs, desires, values ​​and views. For an ideal union, they do not have to coincide - it is enough to be able to negotiate and accept the partner for who he is. However, in the relationships of even the most patient and accommodating spouses, crises occur from time to time.

What is a relationship crisis?

Crises are a normal phenomenon not only in relationships between two people, but also within one person. For example, every person, as he grows up and throughout his life, goes through several age-related crises. This state should be understood as a qualitative change in the psyche, when a person is no longer satisfied with old patterns of behavior and new ones appear, his outlook on life and attitude towards himself change.

How to overcome the first crisis in family relationships?

Books on family psychology advise overcoming the first of the crises family life, becoming as open as possible to your partner and to joint discussions. First of all, you should establish your own rules by which the young family will live. You should immediately discuss the responsibilities of the spouses and their distribution. For example, you should immediately discuss (at least in general terms) how to distribute the budget, who will cook and keep the apartment clean, how often you need to spend time with friends.

These conversations often seem routine to young people, devoid of romance, and newlyweds do not want to waste time on their honeymoon, inspired by love, on such trifles. However, these points need to be discussed either before starting life together or as soon as possible after it begins. In the future, this will allow you to avoid quarrels and conflicts - you can always point out the agreement to your partner, and new demands will not come as a surprise to both.

You should definitely discuss with your significant other what kind of model of future family life both partners imagine. It is necessary to discuss controversial issues and develop a compromise solution. We need to think together about whether the spouses will turn on their parents’ families, behave in the same way as them, or develop a completely different strategy.

Another important point is that conflicts that arise cannot be hushed up. If one of the spouses has dissatisfaction or questions related to living together, it is necessary to discuss them in a calm, restrained manner with your husband or wife. The interlocutor, in turn, should be as open as possible to listening to complaints and correcting his behavior. This is not called “cutting” - this is an important stage in establishing a life together, in which nuances should not be hidden

8 dangerous symptoms of a crisis and ways to overcome them

Psychology notes the characteristic features of crises in family life over the years. The upcoming conflict period can be determined by the following signs:

• one of the spouses (or both of them) does not show initiative regarding intimate life;
• the appearance of the spouses and their behavior are no longer aimed at being pleasant and desirable to each other;
• raising children causes a lot of disputes and conflicts, one of the parents tries to “win” the child to his side;
• the need to resolve controversial issues causes irritation, anger and mutual increase in aggression;
• spouses do not understand each other’s feelings, are not interested in them and do not strive for rapprochement.
• partners become irritated in response to any action or word of each other;
• one of the spouses is infringed on the rights and opportunity to express an opinion. He constantly believes that he must indulge the other in everything;
• spouses do not want to share either pleasant or sad events with each other because they do not receive proper support and attention.

How to overcome crises in family life over the years? Psychology knows several universal recommendations that will be useful in almost any case of disagreement between spouses.

You can't hold grudges. Hidden guilt poisons the soul of the offended person, as a result of which he accumulates affect - and this is a dangerous and explosive state that can lead to the release of aggression both towards the offender and towards himself, or a child, or a completely random person. Even if the offended spouse does not rush at a passerby with his fists, his aggression can take other forms - infidelity, alcoholism, etc.

In a dispute, you cannot insult or get personal. This rule applies not only to family life. Insults are the lowest and most unconstructive way of conducting a dispute, which will never lead to a resolution of the conflict, but will only inflame it even more. Point to actions and your own feelings, not to the person’s personality.

Throw out negative emotions and recharge yourself with positivity. Psychology says that crises family relations Wife and husband often lie in the lack of vivid impressions in the process of married life. Celebrate the holidays with soul and scope, go to the movies or exhibitions together, hikes, and various events. Have romantic evenings where you will be alone. Play sports. Keep a journal in which you describe your feelings. This will help you become more aware of your feelings and not dump negativity on your spouse.

Look for your own hobbies and engage in self-development. To remain interesting to each other, everyone must have a personal space in which only he will live. Share new information, deepen your knowledge in different areas. Remember that marriage is a union of two independent individuals who consciously choose to live together rather than depend on each other.

Don't touch on painful topics. You just have to come to terms with some of the characteristics of your partners. For example, a wife may not like her husband’s passion for football. You should not express your dissatisfaction with this game - it is better to discuss what forms and scope of hobbies will be acceptable for both spouses.

The key to healthy family relationships is trust. Therefore, do not discourage meetings with your partner's friends - it is better to discuss how often they can occur without compromising family matters.

These tips will be more useful to those spouses who do not yet have pronounced problems with mutual understanding. If the intensity of passions leads a husband and wife down a straight path to divorce, it is necessary to seek help from a specialist. One of them is a psychologist-hypnologist

During this period, personal “interpenetration” occurs in the couple and a kind of dependence on the relationship appears. Awareness of this pushes you to try to return to your old self, which can manifest itself in establishing old connections and changing jobs.

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During these years of marriage, the birth of the first child most often occurs. With the birth of the baby, the roles of the spouses change and they become parents. The burden associated with physical, psychological and material costs increases.

The young mother is absorbed in caring for the baby, and the husband feels abandoned and superfluous in this relationship. Especially if he is not involved in conscious paternity, but is tried to be used only as an obedient assistant.

Don’t be afraid to trust your husband with the role of a father; he will cope with it no worse than you cope with the role of a mother. But make sure your new status(caring parents) was not canceled by the former (loving spouses).

Day after day. Crisis of 6-7 years

In the life of a family, everything is stable and organized: everyday life, communication, work. But in sex, satiety occurs with the partner’s body. Many men complain that the romance has left the relationship; their spouse does not share their hobbies.

That is why most infidelity in married couples occurs during this period.

Women are returning to work. After several years of home life, everything new is perceived as emotional, bright, and I want to change a lot. The wife becomes less financially dependent on her husband.

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Women experiencing a crisis try to return to those days when “everything was just beginning.” They can enthusiastically buy beautiful lingerie, have a candlelit dinner... You can’t turn back time, and what your spouse liked seven years ago can now cause irritation.

It would also be a mistake to try to restore the relationship through the birth of a second child. Children are not a means of manipulating a husband. On the contrary, an increase in psycho-emotional and physical stress during a crisis can lead to family breakdown. Romantic moments are needed, but they should be completely different - something new, interesting, unusual.

"And it's all?". Crisis of 11-13 years

It would seem that everything that is possible has been experienced together: difficulties, lack of finances, illness, failures... Why, even after such a life exam, do some couples decide to separate?

This is perhaps the most inexplicable crisis. The spouses characterize it with the words “we have become strangers,” but they have simply cooled down, there is no strength to “invest” in the relationship. Perhaps this is an echo of one of the unresolved crises of past years.

In addition, such a period sometimes coincides with a midlife crisis of one of the spouses, when a reassessment of values ​​occurs. There may be a fear that there are not many years left when there is a chance to “start all over again”

Photo source: piter-trening.ru

Your own achievements and goals may seem insufficient, but you need to learn to accept them and set new goals. Not only for yourself as an individual, but also for your family as a world that you continue to master.

Determine, albeit small, but common joint tasks that will develop your marriage. Together, look for new ways to realize your accumulated potential.

Children have not yet grown up, but they are entering a period of choosing their life position. Its activity largely depends on you. And if the younger generation sees energetic, passionate about life, loving parents, and not boring guardians, then not only the children themselves will benefit, but also your “family boat” will not “break” in everyday life.

"Empty nest syndrome" Crisis 20 years

The children have grown up and are starting their own lives. In families where relationships were built only around the interests of the child, the connecting link disappears. The very meaning of the relationship is lost.

Many men get divorced at this stage, since the feeling of guilt and duty to children did not allow them to break off this relationship earlier.

Women never tire of reminding them that the “best years” were given to their spouse, which means that he now has to repay his debts.

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In fact, the crisis occurs because both spouses forget about an important advantage of this period of marriage. After all, leaving an active parental role, you seem to be returning to your youth, when marriage was your main family function. Now is the time to remember all the good things that marriage brought you.

Remember what dreams and plans you once put off until “better times” - now there is a great opportunity to realize them. In sexual relationships, your attention to each other, affection and tenderness are now more important than ever. Don't be afraid to experiment, diversify your intimate life.

So, be patient and attentive to each other, love and respect your partner, then you will not be afraid of any crises!

There are rules that wise couples follow throughout their lives. And then not only are the years of crisis overcome without loss, but the golden wedding comes as a holiday.

• Don't accumulate irritation within yourself. Try to choose the right moment and discuss the problem. Your partner doesn't have to read your mind, but he can hear you.
• Don't push your partner away when he wants to be together. Always listen to each other, be attentive to his problems and feelings. Never manipulate your partner by prohibiting or allowing sex.
• Choose your wording. Try not to blame your spouse, but to say how you feel when the conflict occurs. (Instead of “You again...”, say something like, “It really upsets me when you...”)
• Treat your spouse’s views and interests with due respect and honor the traditions of his family. Don't hinder change
• in your spouse’s life, be an ally and support for him in all his endeavors.
• Create your own world! Expand and strengthen areas of mutual interests, create the history of your family, its traditions, even your own language.
• Move to a new stage of family development without waiting for crises, do not let routine steal your love.
• The joy of mutual recognition can increase over the years. This applies to both body and soul. In sex, new nuances and overtones appear that are not accessible to any “kamasu-tra”. Constantly engage in self-development, improve yourself - and then your partner will be interested in you as a person.

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• There are no perfect people! Appreciate and develop the positive qualities of your partner.

Secrets of family centenarians:

I heard this story from a lady who lived happily with her handsome husband for more than 30 years. A high-ranking diplomat, he attended all social events with his wife. He was surrounded by a large number of beautiful and smart women. And of course, I couldn’t do without hobbies. When she saw that her husband was beginning to be interested in another woman, she did not make a scene for him. She approached her, started a conversation, carefully observed this lady and tried to understand why she interested her husband. And then I tried to generate this quality in myself. When a husband discovered a virtue in his wife that attracted him to another, the romance died out on its own.

In what years do crises of family life occur and how to overcome them. Relationship crisis: 1st year, 3-5 years, 7 years, 13 years, 25 years

Biologists have long proven that not a single development of a living creature is smooth and problem-free. It always occurs spasmodically, in periods, and always with certain crises - steps that need to be crossed. And to get over it, you need drastic changes. And the more violently this crisis passes, the brighter and better the development itself will be.

The same thing happens in the psychology of relationships between people. So, the crisis of family relationships over the years is either another test for people who love each other. Moreover, these “critical points” may go more smoothly for some, but for others they may end in divorce. Moreover, the outcome does not depend at all on how much people love each other - on the contrary, arranged marriages are much more stable in this regard. Everything is in the hands of the spouses themselves - and family happiness depends mainly on the woman’s behavior tactics. And from whom else? After all, this is her purpose - to be the keeper of the home.

Crisis of the 1st year of relationships: starting a family

For some reason, all the famous fairy tales of the world end with the wedding of the heroes in love - as if there is nothing special after it. But the fun is just beginning!

And, of course, you can’t do without lapping. As one famous writer liked to say: "They merried. But there was nothing in common between them: he is a man, she is a woman.”

Although usually this period is the most exciting for young couples. Lovers study each other, comprehend the intricacies of intimate relationships, and enjoy traveling together. And, of course, the first year cannot be called painless: after all, each of the two already had a firmly formed romantic image of their groom or bride, which has to be slightly adjusted by the end of the year. But those couples who consciously and thoughtfully entered into marriage do not have any special problems. It is difficult only for those who had to bind themselves with the chains of Hymen due to an unexpected pregnancy or pressure from relatives. In this case, a positive attitude will help out: it doesn’t matter how chaotic family life began - the main thing is that it is happy.

Crisis of the 3-5th year of a relationship: goodbye, peace!

Many guys imagine fatherhood as something easy: you need to go to the zoo with your son, or give him a ride on your shoulders. And they are simply horrified when a small tornado seems to burst into their calm and measured life - not only during the day will all their plans go awry from now on, but at night they can forget about proper sleep for at least six months. And it’s a pity that young fathers, having somehow come to terms with the state of things, begin to look completely pessimistically into the future, imagining it exactly as it is now. They really need support!

After all, no matter how sad it is, men very often leave the family just after the birth of a child. It is clear that the young mother is experiencing a hormonal imbalance and that she herself is not happy. But the matter is usually not limited to a crying baby: it is precisely during this period that someone’s busy mother (mother-in-law, for example) rushes headlong into a barely born family. And then the hyperactive grandmother begins to raise not only the newborn, but also, of course, the son-in-law. What the latter is not always able to withstand.

How to overcome this stage: a new stage of life means new relationships. Learn to support each other, get rid of selfishness. But “mama” still needs to slowly make her way back. In the future, her tenderness and desire to urgently feed and clothe everyone will be very useful: it will be great to send her growing up mischievous and restless child to the village for the whole summer. And we ourselves - urgently go on vacation!

Crisis of the 7th year of relationships: who owes whom and how much

The reason for this crisis is the psychological fatigue of the spouses from each other. According to statistics, the lion's share of divorces occurs precisely in the 6th and 7th years of marriage. And it’s not surprising: this is the first time both spouses have lived with someone for so long. Before the wedding, in rare cases they could date other partners for up to 3 years, and most often broke up with them precisely because of boredom and habit. But, of course, you can’t leave a marriage that easily. And the crisis must be fought.

How to survive this stage in a relationship? Having dug up its root and going from the opposite. And it's all because of routine. That is why, according to all the laws of nature, the head of the family must be a man - after all, he is a hunter, a conqueror, a discoverer. He will always bring a fresh note and new ideas to the relationship. But a woman, in her essence, has always balanced this strength with her own flexibility, the ability to bring peace and comfort into the home, and stability into relationships. But, if the first and last word in the family belongs only to her, then family life in the 7th year will turn into a stagnant swamp. Where a man can unexpectedly and happily escape from.

That’s why a woman needs to stop fanatically organizing everything in the house as early as possible: books on the shelves, cups in the closet, and husband and child. You will have to urgently get rid of your routine, and especially the habit of nagging your spouse. The 7th year is a time when everyone should have a certain freedom, when a woman urgently needs some kind of mystery, zest. And it’s bad if only your mobile phone is charged in the morning. After all, a man is a researcher. It is important to maintain interest, slight love, and excitement. This means it’s time to radically change your image and turn from an evil tigress into an affectionate cat - relatively free, loving life and in no case dissolved in the family.

“Marriage is an agreement whose terms are daily reviewed and reaffirmed.” Brigitte Bardot

Crisis of the 13th year of relationships: a test of strength

The culprit of this crisis is, of course, a teenager. Now this is no longer the fluffy baby that all relatives and friends loved to come and admire. Now this is a Personality who desperately longs for freedom and justice. And, if there are at least some rough edges in the family way of life, the teenager will definitely find them and shamelessly reveal them. It will be difficult to get by without quarrels, and the first cracks in mutual understanding will appear between the parents themselves.

The explanation for this is simple: a mother sees her child, first of all, as a biological being who needs to be looked after, raised and protected. And the father is like a social being who needs to be brought into the public eye. And the teenager in this regard is a mirror of his family. Moreover, it is the man who is the first to recognize individuality in his son or daughter, signs of maturation and independent thinking. But from under the care of a loving mother, the teenager will have to break out howling - on the basis of which serious reproaches and confusion will begin between the spouses.

How to overcome this stage? Surviving this crisis is practically the same as surviving “your 15 years” again. It’s just that the parents themselves completely forget their own period of growing up and the rebellion that is natural for this age. But if in the previous crisis they needed to let each other go a little, now they need to begin to give freedom to the fruit of their Love.

“Deciding to have a child is not an easy matter. After all, this means that your heart will now and forever walk outside your body." Women's wisdom

Crisis of the 25th year of relationships: come back, youth!

An honorable silver wedding is just around the corner, all the acquaintances are looking enviously at the spouses who love each other like doves, but for some reason... discord begins in the family.

So, at this time, a woman begins an unpleasant menopause, and men, on the contrary, look younger, take care of their figure and even make dirty jokes towards young girls (which they did not allow themselves to do before, for example). “Demon in the rib, gray hair in the beard” - people like to say about fathers of families of this age. But they can be understood. The children have grown up, a career has been made, material wealth has been achieved... Is this really all? Is there really nothing left to achieve, nothing left to strive for? “Have we run out of gunpowder in the flasks”? It is very difficult for a man, unlike a woman, to realize his own weakness. It is difficult for him even to admit to himself his incipient decrepitude and lack of demand in society. On the contrary, representatives of the stronger sex will persistently prove to everyone around them that it is too early to write them off. What's going on at home at this time? Is there urgently needed moral support from your spouse? Of course not. By the time they celebrate their silver wedding, 90% of all women on the planet actually turn into grumpy old women, just like in the fairy tale about the goldfish. It is clear that after so many years of living together, a spouse can get bored to death, and the list of his sins over so many years accumulates quite significant. What else could be more useful in the household than a guilty man? :)

How to survive this stage? This crisis is a time of great change. It is rightly said that after forty, life just begins. So why not take yourself on a second honeymoon? Start being more active than ever, relaxing with friends, going skiing in the mountains, enjoying yourself and your appearance? This is exactly what family psychologists advise couples at this point. And adult children will only be glad to see that everything is fine with their parents.

Crisis of family relations by year – this is each time a new turn in the spiral. You can try to ignore it, turning an acute conflict into a chronic one, or you can allow your family to develop, change, and relationships to be polished. Indeed, with the passage of each such milestone, love and affection are transformed and become what they should be. So, in the 1st year, a bright love “eros” turns into a strong and deep feeling of “agate”, in the 3rd-5th year love has a fruit - a child, a third life, in the 7th year the relationship between loved ones becomes cozy, familiar and more free, on the 13th feeling the connection between the spouses will undergo a serious test and will strengthen significantly, and on the 25th year of marriage, that very first spark that flared up will be transformed into a deep and tender affection for each other. Forever already.

Marriage is a very complex phenomenon that each of us must experience in our lives. But everyone succeeds the first time, and often the reason for divorce is not only a difference in character or the husband’s betrayal, it can be a completely standard manifestation of one of the family crises that the couple could not survive. Family relationships tend to undergo periodic crises over time

You can long and persistently teach and instruct each person getting married about what awaits him at the new stage of his life. But in the end, no one can warn us against the mistakes that we ourselves will make. And I completely agree with those who believe that you can only learn something from your own experience. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand what is going on between two people throughout their life, relationship and marriage. What two can understand cannot be understood by a third.

Therefore, before you read this article, I would like to tell you that when solving problems or crises, you should first of all rely on your feelings and your intuition. It’s not for nothing that they say that the heart never lies. It is quite possible that the crisis in your relationship is associated not only with the passage of a certain number of years, but with real problems that you need to solve. Or perhaps you just realized that your feelings have faded over time - and this is not scary, the main thing is to be able to make this decision and move on no matter what.

What is a crisis in family relationships?

And so, in order to determine whether there is a crisis in your family or a completely different problem, you first need to understand what we are dealing with. And here are the main signs of a crisis in family relationships:

• absence of disputes, or, on the contrary, constant scandals. Many psychologists, and ordinary people also believe that the absence of quarrels and scandals is a sign of indifference, or their weakening. But this does not always happen; it is possible that you and your spouse have calm personalities, or you are used to resolving conflicts peacefully by talking.
• in a conflict, even a groundless one, everyone insists on their own opinion and does not try to understand the other side. This is a rather difficult situation that not every family can cope with. Misunderstanding or anxiety towards each other can sometimes cause such misunderstanding, and maybe a loss of feelings or fatigue. No matter what, if your feelings are still strong and you feel it, you should not be led by conflicts. Learn and teach your spouse to listen to each other and be more patient.
• aggression as a defensive reaction to the spouse’s aggression;
• one of the partners refuses intimacy. The reasons for this phenomenon can be completely different, so you shouldn’t concentrate your main attention on it until you figure out what’s going on.
• one of the spouses refuses to take part in decision making. This may be due not only to a crisis in relationships, but also to internal psychological problems.
• undivided responsibilities are very typical for young families who cannot really decide what each family member is responsible for.
• one of the spouses has withdrawn into himself, which may be due to a midlife crisis in one of the spouses. During this period, he tries to rethink his life, he feels a feeling of dissatisfaction, which means he begins to think about changing himself and his family life;
• absence of any conversations between spouses, or reluctance to talk for a long time;
• a woman during a crisis in family relationships stops thinking about herself, devotes herself to her family and turns into a “cook.” Unfortunately, almost every woman has to deal with this phenomenon, despite the fact that the situation in the modern family has changed and the woman is trying to devote more and more time to work and personal self-development;
• workaholism often accompanies a crisis in family life. I think the concept is familiar to many. Everyone has had to deal with a situation where a husband is late at work, or a wife is bothered by constant phone calls from work, unexpected meetings on the weekend, working from home, and much more.
• lack of emotional support between partners.

Also, the causes of the crisis may be problems in relationships with relatives, problems at work, moving to another city or country, as well as a change in financial situation. The most difficult factors are job loss, death of a close or relative, serious illness and the birth of children with disabilities.

Psychology of family crises

Some families are able to cope with crises on their own, while others require professional help. As a rule, in such families even the smallest conflicts are not resolved. By lacking the ability to resolve conflicts, the family creates additional difficulties for itself, and goes from crisis to crisis increasingly and with increasing dissatisfaction from its spouse and joint family life.

Even modern psychology of family crises cannot give a clear answer to the question of how to properly get out of difficult situations in relationships with a partner. “All families are equally happy, each family is unhappy in its own way,” I just want to say in addition to the topic. We all strive to be better and create the most ideal family. But this is a big job, both need to work on it, and not everyone succeeds. Each family has its own strengths and weaknesses, its own rules and obligations, tasks and problems.

If it seems to you that your family at this stage is simply overwhelmed with unresolved conflicts, there is a failure within your family, and you are no longer able to cope with it on your own, then you should seek help from a professional who specializes in the psychology of family crises. There is nothing shameful in this; in many European countries it has already become mandatory for spouses to have a family psychologist who is ready to help at any moment. This is one of those things that we really should borrow from the outside, because there is nothing wrong with taking a problem to the person who understands it best.

Development of family relationships

Scientists identify several stages in the levels of relationship development:

• 1. The period, better known as the candy-bouquet period, is the period of courtship. This is the time of falling in love, romantic meetings, the couple has not yet started living together;
• 2. The period of living together without children, the beginning of a family;
• 3. The period of living together with children. The wife and husband try on the role of mother and father;
• 4. The period of maturity in life together. The family becomes a large mechanism that requires more and more resources, and a second and third child appear;
• 5. The period of family with adult children. Parents and children are becoming older and preparing to leave the family;
• 6. Grown children leave the family, and the spouses are left alone again.

Crisis of family relations by year

First year of marriage is critical due to the fact that the couple is just getting used to each other and getting used to each other in everyday life. The spouses do not want to share responsibilities in any way and change the lifestyle to which each of them is accustomed. Example: he is a morning person - you are a night owl, he creates a mess, and you clean it up, he is more economical, and you are used to spending a lot - these and similar conflicts become a real problem that requires interaction of both sides and joint discussion. All this leads to frequent conflicts and discord, which can lead to divorce if they are not resolved in time. Most often, adjustments pass over time, and over time, spouses learn to find compromises, understand and accept each other for who they really are. And most importantly, do not lose love and trust, which are the main companion in your entire life together. The next family crises over the years will be much easier for spouses who were able to find mutual understanding.

Third year of marriage is critical because the couple transforms from passionate lovers into loyal companions. In the first three years of marriage, the couple has their first child and the responsibility of raising a new personality falls on the shoulders of the parents, which for now is completely and entirely dependent on you. Material costs increase, as well as the physical and psychological impact on each family member. The spouse devotes all her time to the child and the spouse begins to feel superfluous and unnecessary in his home, and your task is to prove to him that everything is not as it seems. Let him feel not only like a spouse and housewife, but also an excellent father. Remember that your responsibilities include being not only the parents of the baby, but loving and trusting spouses. Also during this period, each spouse is concerned about home improvement, personal and professional growth, and personal problems. Psychological and physical stress can cause alienation and misunderstanding in the family. As a result of the birth of a child, a man often becomes sexually unsatisfied and begins to see all the shortcomings of his other half - and this applies not only to men, but also to women. Banal mutual understanding and respect will help you overcome the crisis, and remember that you yourself are not without shortcomings.

Fifth year of marriage is critical because the woman returns to work again after the birth of the child. She faces several tasks at once: raising a child, professional responsibilities, maintaining family comfort, and her external image. She understands that she cannot cope with all tasks at once. She needs new emotions, but she does not have the opportunity to get them - hence possible nervous breakdowns and psychological problems, and also often they have lovers. Men must be very careful and attentive to their wives during this period, otherwise they risk losing their family. How to survive a crisis in family relationships - involve your grandmother in caring for the child, hire an au pair if you yourself cannot help your wife.

Seventh year of marriage is critical because it is associated with addiction. Life goes on as usual and it seems to the spouses that further existence will not bring anything new and interesting, something like the “limit of development.” It is during this period that real financial expenses begin - kindergarten, clothes for the child, for yourself and your husband, as well as food and many other necessary things. It seems that the list of necessary things will never end, and there is always not enough money. This causes disputes and conflicts within the family. The crisis of family relationships may worsen over the years if the child’s father does not want to give up his old habits, finds a new hobby and again begins to feel like a “hunter”. And the wife may well decide that one child is enough for her, but she has neither the strength nor the desire to care for the second - her husband. It is women during this period who can initiate divorce.

Fourteenth year of marriage is critical because it is associated with hormonal changes in both men and women. Many psychologists consider this period the most dangerous for a married couple. Statistics note that every fifth person at the age of 40-50 starts a second family, and in most cases, the chosen ones are girls 15-20 years younger than their spouse (“gray hair, devil in the rib” - this is precisely about this period), and some simply constantly change partners. Experts believe that this is due to a decrease in sexual potency, as a result of which the man tries to prove to himself and everyone around him that this is not so. Result: leaving the family, young mistress, many sexual partners, etc. phenomena. This is a unique version of female menopause. Women do not stand aside during this period - there is increased irritability and nervousness, but their sexual activity during this period increases, unlike men (“forty-five - old lady again”). But in fact, the main reason for all the changes that occur is damn banal - the fear that life goes on, but nothing changes: the same job, the same person nearby, the same repeating days, etc. To solve the crisis, psychologists recommend organizing something like a second honeymoon with your spouse, but the initiative must come from both sides. Do not forget that you have lived together for so many years and were able to overcome not a single crisis of family life, which means that your family still has a core, a foundation that is the key to a successful and happy family - your task is only to remember this and develop relationships that there was no feeling of “stagnation”.

Ways out of a family relationship crisis

Of course, there is no ideal solution, because this is an individual process. Each of us goes through the crisis of family life in our own way: for some the problem becomes more acute, but for others it passes unnoticed. Below I will give you some tips to help you cope with a stressful period in your family relationships.

The main rule in any relationship, not only family, but also friendly, is to talk, discuss problems and under no circumstances hush up the problem. One of the main reasons for married couples to turn to a psychologist is the difficulty of communication between spouses, and only 40% of all problems are related to financial and sexual problems. Therefore: talk people, talk. This is an important step towards solving many problems and misunderstandings.

Take seriously all claims, as well as your husband’s concerns and problems, because this is how complicity in the life of your loved one is manifested. In addition, your support in resolving a difficult situation is very important for any person - this will speak about you as a faithful person, whom you can trust and with whom you can live your whole life without worry, back to back - hand in hand.

Another important rule- know how to forgive your loved ones and other halves, a good family is impossible without this, or it will not live very long. In addition, psychologists note that it is very important not only to forgive, but also to accept an apology. If you feel that you are not ready for a truce and do not want to communicate with your spouse in the near future, then you should inform him about this. After all, in the end, your silence without presenting claims and without explanations may simply get boring for him. And then the ending may turn out to be completely different from what you planned.

Do not manipulate your husband, for example, by denying him intimacy. Bring romance back into your relationship: a dinner for two, a trip to the movies, unexpected text messages during the workday, or cute notes on the refrigerator. Try to avoid the everyday routine, bring something new into each new day - it doesn’t have to be something large-scale, even small but pleasant little things will make your life together brighter and more interesting. Even simple compliments can have an amazing effect (remember how long ago you complimented your spouse since your wedding day?). Ideally, set aside a few days that you will spend only together (the children can be sent to grandma or left with their friends, they will only be happy).

Intimacy is an integral part of family relationships, and one should not forget about it in the routine of everyday worries. Diversify and improve your intimate life, it will be a breath of fresh air in solving your problems. By the way, physical intimacy helps maintain a strong connection between spouses, but its absence can lead to numerous conflicts.

In addition to love relationships, do not forget to maintain friendship - this is one of the foundations of a family, which allows you to maintain relationships for a long time, solve pressing problems and avoid crises in family life.

Conflicts also have their own rules that should not be violated if you do not seek to destroy the family, but only want to convey to your partner the essence of your complaints:

• Do not under any circumstances insult him or criticize him in the presence of strangers, it looks very ugly. This rarely happens in the heat of a fight, but you should watch what you say. If possible, try to avoid controversial topics that relate to politics, religion, etc. But not concerning family, children and your relationships. A good solution for when you are overwhelmed with emotions is to write everything on a piece of paper.
• leave each other personal space, that is, each family member should have a place where he can be alone and calm down.
• An interesting option: try to look at your spouse with different eyes - dive deeper into his hobbies, you can chat with his parents and childhood friends, who will tell you a lot of interesting things about your other half. The psychology of family crises is such that the fewer common interests you have, the higher the likelihood of a breakup.
• you may have completely different hobbies, but it’s okay if you start doing one of them together - it could be dancing, sports clubs or creating a piece of art. Hobbies as a couple will unite you and make your family stronger.

How to survive crises in family life?

Don’t forget that throughout life, each of us changes and develops, so it’s not surprising that the person you initially fell in love with has changed - you haven’t remained the same either, be more tolerant of such things. Only if you have due respect for your soulmate can you survive all the crises of family life together.

Respect is another important key to saving a marriage; each partner must respect the other as an individual, and his habits and hobbies as a consequence. You may not like them, but they should be respected as an important part of your significant other's personality. Without respect in family life, the flow of reproaches and understatements will be endless, which most often leads to disastrous consequences

Under no circumstances should you break off a relationship or move away when the first signs of a crisis appear, because the sooner you start working on the problem, the greater the chances of saving your family. After all, this is exactly what you want?

It is naive to believe that all problems will be solved by themselves and the crisis of family relationships will disappear without your participation. And if it doesn’t work out, then it’s not my person, and I need to look for someone who loves me, who will understand me. With this position in relationships, you will face problems and constant conflicts from one to the other. It is worth remembering that you chose the person you love, you love him. And if the feelings remain the same on your part and on his part, you should try in every possible way to save the family that you two decided to create.

Crisis 3-5 years of family life

The period of 3-5 years of marriage is an important stage in the life of a family, often accompanied by a crisis in the relationship.

The world of illusions ends, or rather a period of constant and continuous romance. Routine and problems come, which everyone has, but not every couple is ready to share all the difficulties together, as was promised to each other. And everything seemed to be expected, because older relatives warned that there would be difficulties, but young people always expect the best, do not listen to advice and believe that their problems will be ignored.

It is very important to be able to save the family, of course, if there is something to save. Families most often collapse during this period; divorce statistics are inexorable.

The biggest mistake of a man and a woman is internal resentment. There are no dialogues, everything accumulates inside, and then it can explode and break all previous relationships and vows of love.

The couple has a chance to renew their old feelings if they follow a plan that both agree on. For example, Household responsibilities can be divided, you don’t have to do all your homework alone. It is domestic quarrels that most often become a stumbling block.

The conflict must not be allowed to grow to enormous proportions.. Even a small attack of anger is worth stopping and sitting down at the negotiating table. The end of a relationship is a lack of dialogue, when people have nothing to say to each other, one can hardly count on a positive outcome of events.

When thinking about relationships, you should take into account the fact that the family is still young, and you cannot ruin it over a trifle. We should remember all the brightest, most tender and romantic things that happened during the period of meetings and dates.

Often a crisis coincides with the birth of a child, or rather, it is the addition to the family that gives rise to a wave of misunderstandings and scandals. The child takes up all the time from the woman, and the man is offended. The woman is exhausted, nervous and not the same as before. She does not have the strength for an intimate life and ease of being. A man begins to reproach his wife and this is the main mistake. It is better to try to help your soul mate, because the birth of a child was agreed upon, and difficulties were expected.
But women also reproach their husbands for their insolvency: a child was born, but he earns little, or, on the contrary, there is enough money, but the husband does not help with the baby, but disappears at work.

A young mother needs to analyze the situation and understand that supporting a family is titanic work for any man and he also needs support.

Raising a child is a joint effort and anything can happen in life. You can resort to the help of relatives to be able bring some romance into relationships. A walk under the moon on a park bench, even such a little thing is enough to look into each other’s eyes and understand that life goes on and the most beloved person in the world is nearby. Only reciprocity and the desire to return old feelings to the relationship can help the family.

Crisis of 7-9 years of family life

Many years of happy marriage are behind us, but there is no smile on the faces of the spouses? Squabbles and scandals have become more frequent?! This means that a crisis has arrived, the second largest in the life of a man and a woman.
Children grow up and slowly leave from under the wing of their parents to kindergarten or school. The child manifests his character, his own thinking. And it is not always ideal; at this moment it begins to seem that this is the fault of one of the spouses. Accusations are used, even banal ones: “That’s where your genes showed up,” a very offensive phrase that, oddly enough, can give rise to thoughts of divorce.

It’s better to immediately think about what Both raised the child and his misdeeds and pranks are not the fault of one. And this is certainly not a reason for mutual insults; on the contrary, it is better to unite in order to eradicate the bad inclinations of the offspring.

Another reason could be routine. The child has grown up and you can already set aside time for romance, go to the theater or restaurant for a candlelit dinner, but the trouble is, you don’t want to do that anymore. The answer is simple, it seems to the wife that marriage is strong and such nonsense is for the young and inexperienced, and this is the main misconception of women.

A man in this family period of time needs a shake-up and a storm of emotions that will awaken the former volcano of passions.

Otherwise, a man will start looking outside for what he doesn’t get in the family. And then the thought flashes in his head: “Or maybe he should build a new family and there won’t be such problems there anymore?!” And a man can carry out his plans in a fit of apathy, namely apathy, not anger. It will seem to him that another woman will go around all the sharp corners and will not cool down after 7-9 years, although this is not the case. The same thing will happen in a new relationship if you don’t correct behavior and stir up each other’s fervor.

The woman begins to have thoughts that the hero of her novel turned out to be not so good. At the same time, she herself rejects his attempts to get closer again, but considers him to blame. Affects chronic fatigue and the same indifference. She is the most terrible enemy of the family in this crisis of 7-9 years of marriage.

Even scandal in such a situation is better than silent regret. It’s better to scream or even slam the door, but don’t look into empty eyes full of disappointment.
Leaving is always easier than maintaining the past. A couple with quite a bit of experience should think about whether everything is so bad?! After all, a lot has been accomplished and just as much remains ahead. But until this moment they supported each other, but now they don’t. Passion can be restored, and children will change their behavior and eventually leave the family. But the main thing is that they leave the family, and not mom and dad separately, because they are divorced.

Crisis of 16-20 years of family life

This crisis is considered one of the most mysterious, because there are no specific situations and problems that could provoke it. It would seem that life is smooth and there is no reason for sadness. People know each other to such an extent that they smooth out quarrels quickly and without offense. The children have grown up and left the family nest, perhaps there are already grandchildren, it would seem that nothing can overshadow a happy and such a long union, but...

And this is where difficulties arise. The couple begins to feel a feeling of deep loneliness. People really need each other, but at the same time they do not feel the same cohesion, everyone is on their own.

The age of a classic couple after 16-20 years of marriage has not yet reached a critical point, and thoughts are born that the situation needs to change radically, i.e. divorce. After all, life passes inexorably, and in the family there is no longer intimacy, love and unity. It seems that everything is gone and nothing can come back.

All that's left is friendship and respect and often this is enough, but only for a woman. A man begins to think about a new marriage with a woman younger than himself. He misses the extreme actions and impulses from his wife. At this moment a woman should think. After all, if the marriage lasted for so many years, it means there was a mutual desire and now we cannot lose what was built with such difficulty.

Psychologists advise adhering to the rule of constant joint actions in literally words. We need to do everything together, from cleaning the house to choosing new furniture. You can start a joint hobby that will be interesting to both.

A man should remember his past observation and give his wife pleasant surprises, these are the ones needed to restore the feeling of the necessity of the existence of a union.
Conversations about the state of the soul should be ongoing. Then again there will be a feeling that the couple lives the same life and the kinship of souls is still relevant.

The age of both partners plays an important role, because the woman is approaching menopause, and the man is having a midlife crisis and keeping the family together is even more difficult. The woman’s hormonal changes and the man’s psychological rethinking greatly complicate the situation. What can really help a couple will sound ridiculous at first glance, but it will work. Necessary allow yourself more craziness like in my youth. At the same time, you should not pay attention to what others think. Portraying a sedate couple can destroy a family.

You can turn off your phones and have a few days without family, friends, or work. Let duties and responsibilities wait. After spending a couple of eventful days together, you can again see what has long been hidden by a veil of obligations.
A little frivolous behavior committed together will definitely help you live more than a dozen years happily and harmoniously. A family has been built, many problems have been overcome, and why not try again for your loved one.